A Blessing or a Curse?
by Lightningfire.star
Summary: A she-cat. A wish. A disaster. This is my first one-shot! Enjoy ;)


**This is a one-shot I made for my forum, LightningClan! Enjoy ;)**

* * *

A Blessing...or a Curse?

I never thought it would end up like this. A simple wish. Destroying my life little by little. First my faith, then my clanmates. I shouldn't have listened to him! All he did was feed me lies. Lies I believed into. Lies that led me to destroy my family, the ones I loved, the ones that always cared for me, no matter what. My mate discovered what I did, and tried to make me talk sense. Oh, StarClan, if he only knew... Why did I do this? I was pregnant with his first litter! I loved him. He loved me! As I sat there, listening to his ragged breath becoming more and more shallow, I realised that he was right all along. Oh, Snowfall, Snowfall, what did I do to you? You learned everything, and you still thought I could change. You still had faith in me, but I didn't have mine anymore. And you didn't know that. You tried to lead me to the right path, but at what price? Did I really have to kill you to realise that everything I did was for false causes?

For those who are willing to listen to my story, here it is.

It all started when I became an apprentice. My littermates and I had wonderful mentors, and our parents always encouraged us and praised us when we brought back prey or won a sparring match. I felt _loved._ Few cats can say that their apprenticeship was this great. But mine was.

* * *

 _"Rowanpaw! Come and see what Snowpaw caught!" meowed an excited Shrewpaw to his sister._

 _A ginger furred she-cat lifted her head and padded up to her friend and littermate. "Wow, Snowpaw," laughed Rowanpaw, eyeing the two squirrels and three rabbits the fluffy white tom had caught. "You're such a great hunter!" she purred, pressing herself against him. He was a few moons older than Rowanpaw, Shrewpaw and Daisypaw, Rowanpaw's brother and sister._

 _"Thanks," he purred back. "Do you want to share this rabbit with me?" He pointed his tail to one of the three rabbits: a plump, white piece of prey._

 _"Sure! I would love to," answered Rowanpaw, noticing the wink Shrewpaw gave her as he padded away._

Life is great, _thought the she-cat._ I couldn't wish for anything else.

...

 _"Flameheart, why do the stars shine only when the sky is clear?"_

 _"StarClan decides that," purred a flame-colored she-cat to her daughter. "When the sky is clear, it means that StarClan is happy and watches over us. When the stars do not shine, StarClan is bothered or angered by something. This is when the Dark Forest can take control of the skies. They make the skies foggy and prevent our ancestors from watching over us."_

 _"Oh," murmured Rowanpaw. "And why would the Dark Forest want to prevent StarClan from watching over us?"_

 _"Dark Forest cats like to find soft-hearted cats and turn them evil by corrupting their minds. It happened in our Clan, once, but our leader found out and banished the cat," answered Flameheart, purring as her daughter pressed herself against her._

 _"What was the name of this cat?"_

 _"I cannot tell you that," whispered Flameheart, her eyes becoming misty. "Shadestar has prevented us from speaking his name."_

 _"But can't you tell me?" meowed Rowanpaw, her green eyes huge and pleading._

 _"No, I'm sorry. Now, go and sleep, you have a long day ahead of you tomorrow. Shrewpaw and Daisypaw went in their den long before you. If you want to beat your littermates tomorrow, you had better go now!" purred Flameheart, nuzzling her daughter with her nose._

 _"Goodnight Mama," purred Rowanpaw._

 _"Goodnight little one."_

* * *

My days as an apprentice were like this. My mother was always there for me, listening to my questions, answering them as best as she could. And Snowpaw, my friend, my love, my love! Snowpaw...Snowfall! How could I doubt you? How could I ever think you were against me?

* * *

 _"Rowanpaw, from this day forward you will be known as Rowanlily. StarClan honours your courage and determination, and we welcome you as a full warrior of ShadowClan!"_

 _"Shrewpelt! Daisyheart! Rowanlily!" The Clan chanted the three new warrior's names._

 _Rowanlily lifted her head proudly, her gaze locking with Snowfall's. His green eyes met hers, and they stared at each other intently._ You will be my mate, someday, _thought Rowanlily. At the other end of the clearing, the white tom was thinking the same._

 _"I am so proud of you my darlings," purred Flameheart, embracing her three kits. "Wolfleap is too. He would love to see you if you could go and see him in the Medicine cat's den. He is recovering from his injuries, but slowly."_

 _Daisyheart purred. "We'll go at once!" she answered, eyes sparkling in excitement to the prospect of seeing their father._

 _"Yes, we'll go now," added Rowanlily, mouthing 'I'm coming later' to Snowfall. The white tom nodded and sat down near the fresh kill pile, patiently waiting for her._

 _"Wolfleap?" inquired Shrewpelt as they stepped in Littlefern's den._

 _"I'm here, little ones," rasped the grey and white tom to his kits. "Thank you for coming to see me, I would have missed talking to you on your warrior ceremony!"_

 _"We're here now," purred Rowanlily, settling next to her father. "How do you like our warrior names?"_

 _"They're great. Rowanlily suits you very well, and so do Shrewpelt and Daisyheart," he added, turning to his two other kits. "I love you, kits."_

 _"We're not kits anymore, Papa," purred Daisyheart. "We're warriors!"_

 _"Well, you'll always be my kits."_

 _..._

 _Snowfall padded restlessly beside the fresh kill pile, waiting for Rowanlily. He wanted to congratulate her for her warrior ceremony, but understood that she would prefer to go and see her injured father first. At last, she exited Littlefern's den._

 _"Rowanlily!" he purred, running towards her. The ginger she cat raced towards him, green eyes sparkling. "I'm so happy you are a warrior now. We can sleep next to each other again!"_

 _"Yes, this is what I longed for the most when you became a warrior," she purred back. "Tonight, I need to keep vigil, but tomorrow, I'm all yours!" she laughed, licking his cheek._

 _"Do you want to go hunting with me tomorrow? The two best hunters in the Clan?" Snowfall inquired. "We'll bring back tons of prey, and I'll be the first one out with you with your warrior name!"_

 _"I would love to."_

* * *

Everything was perfect. I loved my mother, I loved my father, my littermates were great! And Snowfall... He was gorgeous, sensitive, calm, always happy and always willing to do anything for me. How could anything turn wrong?

* * *

 _"Rowanlily... Rowanlily... Wake up..." a hushed voice meowed. The ginger she-cat stirred in her sleep but did not wake up. "Please..." came the voice, a little more insistent this time. Rowanlily slowly blinked open her eyes, adjusting to the pitch black darkness that was surrounding her. Snowfall was looming over her, his eyes full of grief._

 _"What happened?" she cried, suddenly widening her eyes and jumping to her feet. Snowfall bowed his head. "Please, Snowfall, tell me!" she urged him, getting out of the warrior's den. "Why is everyone awake?" Rowanlily added, shaking._

 _"Shadestar is dead," murmured Snowfall. "He was killed by a rogue who entered the Clan at night. Fortunately, nobody else died, though Cloverspots is injured. She tried to save him, but the rogue was too strong."_

 _"Oh no..." whimpered Rowanlily, her legs wobbling beneath her. "Why did the rogue kill him? What did Shadestar do?!" she added, crying._

 _"I don't know, Rowanlily, I don't know. I only saw a ginger shape run out of the entrance of the camp. Cloverspots refused to tell us why he came. She is the only one who knows," answered Snowfall._

 _Rowanlily bravely walked towards the huddled mass of cats, spotting her mother and father in the crowd. Shadestar was lying in a pool of blood, the life already drained out of him. His mate and kits were silently sobbing near his body. The whole Clan was grieving. Suddenly, Cloverspots' voice rang in the clearing._

 _"Cats of ShadowClan!" she meowed, wincing because of her injuries. "As you may have seen, Shadestar was mercilessly killed by a rogue. Nevertheless, the identity of this rogue is well known by the majority of us. He was our Clanmate and friend before his heart became corrupted by the Dark Forest. Shadestar exiled him after he killed his own mate, but he came back for revenge. As your new leader, I ask you to chase him out of our territory. If you find him, I give you the order to kill him."_

 _"Cloverstar! Cloverstar!" meowed the Clan, determination visible in their eyes._

 _"Shadestar's death will not go unpunished," meowed Wolfleap. "We will do what we can to insure the safety of our Clanmates and future kits."_

 _"Well said, Wolfleap," meowed Cloverspots. "I will go to Highstones in a few days, when my shoulder will have healed. Until then, I need a new deputy. I say this before the body of Shadestar, so that he may hear and approve my choice. Silverthorn will be the new deputy of ShadowClan."_

 _"Silverthorn! Silverthorn!" chanted ShadowClan. The silver warrior rose his head in surprise and puffed out his chest in pride. "Thank you, Cloverspots," he meowed. "I will do everything I can to be worthy of your choice."_

 _Rowanlily gazed silently at Shadestar's mangled body. The rogue would pay for what he did._ I wish I could kill him, _she thought._

* * *

After this, my life changed drastically. I felt consumed by the death of my leader. My mind was repeating in circles: "Rowanlily, you need to avenge your leader. This is your job, and yours alone. If you ever want to appear a hero, you need to find the rogue, and kill him."

And that is what I did. I roamed in the forest, even trespassing on ThunderClan territory to see if the rogue had gone there. He had not. Surprisingly, he was still hidden in ShadowClan territory, waiting to strike. I found him one day. I found him hidden in a small hollow beside Carrionplace. Of course, nobody had thought of going there. Who would want to live in a rat-infested place where you could die any day of horrible diseases?

* * *

 _Rowanlily padded silently towards the rogue. His pelt was ginger, just like hers. He was sitting in the shade, eating a rat._ It must be disgusting to eat this all day, _thought the she-cat. Suddenly, she leaped on the rogue and pinned him down. The rogue let out a startled cry but did not resist._

 _"My name is Rowanlily of ShadowClan," she meowed, eyes narrowing to tiny slits. "You killed my leader. It is your turn to die." Rowanlily lifted her paw, preparing to strike, when the rogue opened his mouth and let out a laugh. This wasn't what she had expected his reaction to be._

 _"Why are you laughing?" she asked out of curiosity, but kept her claws unsheathed._

 _"I never thought my daughter would look so much like me," he meowed, his green eyes identical to hers._

 _"What do you mean?!" roared Rowanlily. "I have only one family, and they are waiting for me in the ShadowClan camp!"_

 _"No," answered the ginger tom, grinning widely. "You know very well that this is all a lie. I am your father, and your real mother named you after me. My name is Rowanfur."_

* * *

Deep inside, I always knew that Flameheart and Wolfleap weren't my real parents. But my mind refused to let me believe this until now. Rowanfur, the traitor. My father.

* * *

 _"No...No!" Rowanlily yelled. "It can't be! You murdered your mate, you betrayed ShadowClan! You cannot be my father!"_

 _"This is what you think, or what the Clan made you think. But things turned out differently in the real world," he answered. "I didn't murder your mother. She drowned herself when she learned I was being trained by the Dark Forest. You were three days old then. My only kit. I hadn't done anything wrong to the Clan, but Shadestar made them_ _believe I killed Roseshadow when I came back with her body. He exiled me and fed the Clan lies about me. My own brother. What a pity. He was scared. Scared I was going to kill him to become the next leader of ShadowClan."_

 _"_ _Shut up!_ _" cried the ginger she-cat. "_ _That's not true!_ _"_

 _"You know everything, Rowanlily. And you know that I am telling the truth. So let me up and leave me in peace. You can go to your dear Clan if you want," Rowanfur spat._

 _"SHUT UP!"_

 _Rowanlily raised her paw once more, and sliced her father's neck with all the force she had. Rowanfur's eyes widened, and became dull as he stopped breathing._

 _"I killed you as you killed my leader," whispered Rowanlily. "I had too. I'm sorry... father."_

 _Rowanlily padded silently towards her camp, dragging Rowanfur's body with her. Her head was bowed._ I'm sorry, Flameheart. I should never have been born, _she thought, her heart_ _breaking. She had killed her father._

* * *

Yes, I killed him. I knew I had too. I knew I would later regret it if I didn't. But my Clan didn't see it that way.

* * *

 _Shocked meows erupted from the clearing as Rowanlily padded into the camp, Rowanfur's body limp in her jaws._

 _"Is it the rogue?"_

 _"Did Rowanlily kill him?"_

 _"Look! It's really him! I recognise him!"_

 _"Why is she alone? Wasn't she supposed to be on patrol?"_

 _Rowanlily placed her father's body near the middle of the clearing, blocking the incessant meows of her clanmates which rang in her ears. A pale brown she-cat with darker spots pressed herself against her._

 _"I assume that you learned the truth, Rowanlily," meowed Cloverstar, noticing the she-cat's grief. Rowanlily nodded gravely, but refused to look at her leader in the eye. "Come into my den, we need to talk," added the brown she-cat._

 _Cloverstar padded to her den, beckoning Rowanlily with her tail. Both she-cats settled down on the ground, and Cloverstar curled her tail against her feet. "Rowanfur was a terrible traitor to the Clan," started Cloverstar. "He–"_

 _"I know," interrupted Rowanlily, anger visible in her eyes. "I heard the story. My father was trained by the Dark Forest to kill his brother, Shadestar, but our previous leader discovered it before he could strike. When my mother, Roseshadow, tried to dissuade him from taking the wrong path, he killed her." Rowanlily lifted her head and stared at Cloverstar with all her force. "But what if it didn't really turn out that way? What if my father was never plotting to kill Shadestar in the first place? What if my mother did not die at his claws?" meowed the she-cat, eyes darkening._

 _"I know that you killed your father, and that was very brave of you. But do not listed to Rowanfur's lies," mewed Cloverstar. "Littlefern, our medicine cat, was warned by StarClan of what would happen. She entered Rowanfur's dreams and heard him promise the Dark Forest Shadestar's life. Who knows what would've happened if Rowanfur had stayed in ShadowClan?"_

 _"These are lies!" roared Rowanlily, lashing her tail. "All you have done since I opened my eyes were tell me lies! I grew up thinking that life was great; that my parents loved me! And today, I discover that my father trained in the Dark Forest and my mother died while I was just a small kit! You think that your life is easy? Well, think about me! MY WORLD JUST SHATTERED IN FRONT OF YOU, AND ALL YOU TELL ME IS NOT TO TRUST MY REAL FAMILY?"_

 _"Rowanlily, calm down!" pressed Cloverstar. "The Clan never meant you harm by hiding you the truth. All we wanted was for you to feel secure! Have a family to take care of you! Don't Flameheart and Wolfleap mean something to you?"_

 _"I will not trust cats who have broken my faith," spat Rowanlily. "Get out of my way!"_

 _Cloverstar growled. "This is my den. My Clan. WHEN I SAY GET OUT, YOU WILL DO SO!"_

 _"Fine!" roared the ginger she-cat. "If that is your wish, then you will NEVER see me again! But I will forever be in your shadow, preparing to pounce."_

* * *

I padded out of Cloverstar's den, furious and heartbroken. The whole Clan was looking at me with curious eyes, but I stayed proud. My head was straight, and my eyes were locked to the entrance of the ShadowClan camp. I heard a few meows that made my blood turn cold. Cats were murmuring that I turned out exactly like my father. One even shouted: "Disappear, you evil cat! If Cloverstar sent you out of her den, you must be damned!" That made it. My head flipped around, and my eyes landed on the cat who had mouthed these words. It was Snowfall's brother, Cloudstorm.

* * *

 _Fury overwhelming her, Rowanlily raced towards Cloudstorm, and leaped on him._

 _"If you really think this of me, then let your wishes come true," she snarled, taking in the shocked faces of her_ _clanmates. Her eyes fastened upon Cloudstorm. "You," she spat. "Are going to die."_

* * *

I killed him. My second victim. In front of the whole Clan. I had no reason to. But they had turned me mad.

I dashed out of the camp, listening to their cries of anguish. But the only voice I really heard was Snowfall's.

* * *

 _"Rowanlily! Come back! You can make everything right again! Please! ROWANLILY!"_

* * *

I tried to listed to him! But deep down, I knew that the Clan would never accept me again. Snowfall would always love me, but I wouldn't feel at home anymore. Tears fell down my face as I ran, ran, as swiftly as the wind, as far as possible.

When I realised what I had done, it was too late. I had killed Cloudstorm, Snowfall's brother.

Two moons later, Snowfall came looking for me. I don't want to explain what happened. But my past self was gone. I was a murderer, a murderer exiled so as not to be tempted to murder again.

I can't help but think again of his deep green gaze, looking at me with eyes so soft...in a pool of blood.

Oh, Snowfall, if I ever see you again...

I know that I won't.

* * *

 _"Rowanlily..." he choked._

 _"Shh, Snowfall," she cried, tears running down her face. "Don't talk."_

 _"Rowanlily, I love you," he meowed in a single trait. Then, his eyes became misty and his soul disappeared in the night._

 _"I'm so sorry, Snowfall. I should never have listened to my father. Cloverstar was right all along," Rowanlily whispered, sobbing. "I love you too."_

* * *

I had his kits half a moon later. Two she-kits. One was white with ginger spots, and the other was pure white, just like her father. I named them Cloud and Snow.

* * *

 **Please review! XD**


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